My 7 Habits for Empowerment — What I Do To Stay Strong

Kris J. Simpson - Photo by Michael Fusco

Have you ever wondered what it would take for you to experience a perfect day? A day filled with high energy, drive, motivation, inspiration, and intuition — a day characterized by a sense of peace and contentment, where everything feels in balance.

Naturally, it’s a day when you can manage your life and possess the energy, balance, and mindset needed for forward-thinking. It’s a day when you are aware of and manage your emotions so you aren’t at their beck and call, reacting, or, worst of all, overreacting to their powerful commands.

This would require energy — and a great deal of it.

However, sometimes we lack the energy, feel off balance, or out of sync, making it almost impossible to have a perfect day.

Years ago, I had to ask myself: What would be the perfect day for me? My story is one of recovery. It is a tale of powerlessness and the ongoing pursuit of empowerment that I continue to this day. However, I have emerged from the hole I dug for myself. The problem I faced was addiction, which, fortunately, despite its very low success rate, I was able to overcome.

I ultimately realized that I didn’t have a brain problem, a health problem, or an addiction problem — I had an issue with power.

I didn’t know how to cultivate energy and harness the force I needed to tackle my problems effectively. I also didn’t realize the extent of power that could be found in spirituality or in recognizing a force greater than myself.

As you can imagine, with an issue like addiction, I seriously lacked balance in my life, and on most days, I felt upside down, seeing the world as more challenging than it needed to be. I quickly realized that without a significant level of self-care and an abundance of positive energy, I was on the express train to a terrible place.

Getting sober was a fight that didn’t end with a TKO; instead, it was a battle with many rounds, where I was knocked down repeatedly but still managed to rise again. Once I got my life sorted out, I reverted to my previous way of living, and I found myself upside down once more.

I could never make sense of it. I tried just about everything: every type of self-help book imaginable, therapy, various programs to invest in and learn from, multiple health programs, diets, and supplements, yet nothing seemed to work — until I found myself on my knees. I felt helpless and hopeless, but that’s where I needed to be to get sober.

Sometimes, you need a breakdown to have a breakthrough.

Well, that’s precisely where I was, and I’m thankful I made it there; however, it took me a decade to get there. I would have liked to have arrived there sooner, but that process is what led me to share with you what I discovered through self-reflection today.

First, there is a long-term, sustainable solution. Second, you may not be looking in the right place if you’ve tried to find it before. Through my journey of recovery, I learned that I was often searching in the wrong places when trying to address my addiction. It took me a long time to understand how to view things from a different perspective.

It’s paradoxical because when we encounter these kinds of problems, our human nature is to say, “Listen. Use your willpower, straighten up, get things in order, and do it now, quickly. What’s wrong with you? Gather yourself. Clean this up. Fix this. You’re a mess.”

But in fact, I found that surrendering to the reality of being powerless over my addiction was necessary, and I needed help.

During my recovery, I sought out activities that energized me and truly made me feel empowered, fostering a sense of balance and equilibrium that allowed me to feel centred and grounded.

I came up with what’s called The Short List.

These are the activities, rituals, and habits I rely on to energize me and help me feel at ease and content, while still motivated to strive. When I’m low on energy — whether physically, spiritually, or mentally — these activities help me maintain my vitality and lift my spirits when I feel depleted. They also help sustain my energy, making them daily self-care practices that ensure I’m still making progress, even on my worst days.

Habit #1: Sharing and Supporting

When I’m not feeling empowered, it’s often because I’m dealing with various fear-based emotions, with resentment being a common culprit. In my view, resentment can be the primary offender and, due to its subtlety, is less noticeable than anger; however, it can truly drain our power and draw us into a state of bitterness.

There are also other fear-based emotions, such as jealousy, envy, anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame. These low-energy feelings tend to resonate more with us than higher-energy emotions like joy, bliss, and peace. Our evolutionary instincts draw us toward fear-based emotions because they serve a purpose: to protect us so we can live another day and, hopefully, reproduce; consequently, they wield the most decisive influence.

Although social sharing and support are often some of the best antidotes for relieving my inner conflicts, they remain among the last things I pursue. Instinctively, we frequently resist feeling vulnerable with our family, peers, and even professionals who aim to help us. We hesitate to share our most shameful moments or admit that we’re struggling with something. Still, reaching out for their support can be the best way to regain our sense of empowerment.

When I sense a power draw, I might not even know why. I may not be aware of how I’m feeling, even though it could be quite obvious to someone else. Sometimes, I really need to get on the phone, visit someone, or have someone come over. I need to chat with them and express myself.

Alternatively, the situation can be reversed: I sometimes support someone else and experience that energetic feeling, that sense of power, from helping them reclaim their own power.

It goes both ways because when I share my problems and concerns, whether I ask for advice or simply want someone to listen, I feel energized by releasing the negative energy I had been trying to suppress. Hiding my feelings is exhausting work, so when I get out of my own way, I feel uplifted, as if a weight has been lifted, and I am free once again.

Habit #2: Walking

Kris J. Simpson - Photo by Michael Fusco

There weren’t many bodybuilders back in the day who did much walking. We did our cardio, of course, but walking really wasn’t viewed as cardio. Now, walking is on my short list. I use it for energy — not just physical energy but mental energy as well.

It truly clears my head, and some of my best ideas have emerged when I’m out in nature for a walk. Stepping away from our office, home, or any environment that stifles us — often without us even realizing it — helps balance our minds and bodies, refreshing us to return to what we were doing with renewed motivation. For many of us, nature brings us back to earth [literally], and if getting outside isn’t your thing, simply getting up and moving will sync our bodies and brains, which is invigorating.

Habit #3: Reading

My mother, now a retired librarian, taught me about life through the stories found in books. I still have a fascination with books; I find them captivating. They allow for continued learning, offering different perspectives, whether from a non-fiction or fiction lens; regardless, they provide our brains a break from the constant monkey chatter of our brain’s default mode network, which is always surveying our outer and inner environment, anticipating the next impending and inevitable disaster.

Habit #4: Journaling or Writing

Journaling has always helped me to become more aware of my feelings and emotions, allowing me to reflect on them, enhance my self-awareness, and present my best self to my family, friends, and customers.

Putting pen to paper has consistently helped me gain perspective on what’s truly happening, as opposed to the narratives I create. As an author, I find great purpose and empowerment in expressing myself and teaching others through my creative works.

Habit #5: Food & Water

There was a funny meme created years ago associated with hunger called “hangryness,” but it’s not so amusing when you’re on the receiving end of someone who hasn’t eaten in a long time. While most adults are more concerned with overeating, there are consequences to eating too little as well. Low blood sugar, or hypoglycemia, can initially leave you feeling irritated and grumpy, and dehydration can trick you into overeating since it can create a lethargy that mimics low blood sugar.

Our body is a powerplant, much like an electricity plant that must convert a resource into energy and deliver that energy to the end users. Therefore, our bodies need essential resources so we can continue to feel energized. This may sound obvious, but how many times have you become so busy that you miss a meal and then find your mood taking a downturn, becoming irritated by things that normally wouldn’t bother you? In the worst-case scenario, you might act out of hunger and say or do something regrettable.

To illustrate how your decisions will change based on how well you are fed and hydrated, a study by Shai Danziger, an associate professor at Ben-Gurion University of the Negev, tracked the rulings of eight Israeli judges in 1,112 parole-board hearings over 10 months and found that the chances of a prisoner being granted parole depended on the time of day that the judge heard the case.

“Prisoners’ odds started out high in the morning, at about 65%, before reliably plummeting to almost nothing over the next few hours — a cycle of peaks and valleys that repeated itself throughout the day. Prisoners’ chances of parole leapt back up to 65% at two distinct times: right after the judges’ mid-morning snack and again after lunch.” (TIME Magazine, April 14, 2011)

Habit #6: Meditation and Prayer

Although I have tried many meditation techniques, including guided, visual, and body scanning meditations, I primarily use a 20-minute Transcendental Meditation (TM) technique, which employs repetitive mantras to calm the nervous system and evoke a desired brain state that increases alpha and theta brainwaves, providing a clearer mind and alleviating feelings of anxiety.

Mantras, which are common in Buddhism and Hinduism, typically consist of a sacred word or sound that is repeated. Examples would be “I am love” or “I am enough,” or one that I have used in the past, “I choose freedom.”

In contrast, prayers typically express requests or gratitude to a deity or higher power. Examples would be “The Hail Mary” and “A prayer for peace.” Rather than using mantras, I repeat three prayers that I have memorized. I would like to have more prayers in my toolbox; however, I find memorization difficult, so I have settled for these three prayers that hold the most meaning for me:

1. Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

2. Third Step Prayer: “God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always!”

3. Lords Prayer: Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen.

Both prayers and mantras can help to calm the nervous system and clear the mind. I suggest trying both techniques; if you’re uncomfortable with spiritual or religious prayers, there are many secular prayers available online that capture the essence of gratitude and requests found in spiritual prayers.

I combine TM with a gratitude practice, which I call the 4-B’s, which is featured in my book, Fruition — A Transformative Journey of Self-Awareness.

The technique of the 4-B’s has me use my breath, my heartbeat, and focus on what I am already blessed with, and that which I wish to be blessed with. This takes the form of an internal prayer that promotes gratitude and well-being.

Habit # 7: Exercising

Kris J. Simpson - Photo by Michael Fusco

Because of my bodybuilding background, I prefer working out the old-fashioned way with barbells and dumbbells. Still, I’ve been open to so many other different ways of moving in a challenged way, because that’s all it is. It’s the energy paradox in that we need to exert ourselves and expend energy to cultivate energy. If you have experience with exercise, you will know this counterintuitive statement to be true.

I have never finished a workout feeling worse than I did before I started. In almost every case, I feel much better, refreshed and energized. Except for some leg workouts while I was bodybuilding, which brought on a lot of pre-workout anxiety with symptoms of intense nausea and dry-heaving, but even back in those days, I always felt invigorated after the workout.

My workouts consist of 20 minutes of cardio, followed by 20 minutes of weight training, with the muscle groups split into individual workouts throughout the week. I do this 5–7 days per week, depending on how busy life gets, but my goal is to dedicate 40 minutes per day to exercising.

I was fortunate enough to discover the empowering effects of exercise in my early teens, and I cherish it to this day. I know I will be like my teenage bodybuilding idol, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and work out for the rest of my life.

That’s my shortlist of activities for cultivating energy and restoring balance in my life. I can always count on these seven things to maintain my strength. While I practice these habits regularly, I’m not perfect, so I don’t do all of them every day; some days are better than others.

Still, I do them regularly since I know they will lift my spirits and make a grey day a little brighter. Sure, they require a bit of motivation to get started, but I know how I will feel afterwards; that's what motivates me. Moreover, they are activities I enjoy. I’m also motivated by a [positive] fear response to falling into a low-energy, powerless state, which can lead me back to old, disempowering ways of being.

Although I feel I have a lot of natural energy, there are always forces trying to pull me down, some days more than others. Perhaps you feel the same way. With that said, what is on your shortlist?

My challenge for you is to come up with at least seven activities or pastimes you could engage in daily to cultivate energy and restore balance. They may be pursuits you thought you had to abandon due to the many responsibilities you’ve taken on, perhaps for your career progression, starting a family, or overcoming some life trauma.

With all the other responsibilities we’ve taken on over the years, our own needs can become overshadowed by their weight. To seek activities that would energize you, reflect on your past; perhaps there are things that made you feel a certain way when you were a teenager that would still positively influence you today.

What’s truly interesting is that many of the activities I enjoyed during my teens remain a part of my life today. I experience the same positive emotions now as I did back then. It amazes me that at a young age, we already knew what empowered us.

Alternatively, consider whether there’s something you’ve always wanted to try but lacked the courage to pursue. It can be pretty intimidating, especially as we age and enter adulthood. Sometimes, we doubt our abilities — our physical capabilities — or we become so set in our habits that stepping out of our comfort zone feels daunting.

Perhaps there’s something that’s caught your attention that you’ve dismissed with thoughts like, “No, no, no. I’m too old. Or, I’m too this or that.” This is an opportunity to clear all of that from your mind. It’s a fresh start. Letting go of all the circumstances in your life and allowing your courage to build will enable you to pursue those interests you’ve been contemplating for so long. It’s time to explore and take that first step into that new or renewed space.

Make your shortlist today, and pin it somewhere so you can keep it top of mind.

Inspire to Aspire.

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