Learning from Addiction—What You Don't Know

A tale of two people

It’s early Sunday morning in an upscale suburb. It’s a warm, sunny summer day. You can hear the birds chirping, but in the distance, someone is moaning in pain. A glance at one of the houses reveals a man lying at the bottom of the staircase. He is unconscious and bleeding from his head.

He awakens moments later and stumbles to his feet. He feels disoriented, glancing around in confusion while touching his head to check for the wound. There’s no one around, so it’s challenging to piece together the elements of this puzzle.

The man’s name is Randy, and he will be turning 40 in a few months. He’s a heavyset man who appears to have worked out in the past but is now about 50 pounds overweight. Suddenly, Randy starts shouting, “I’m not going!” while flinging his arms wildly in the air.

He’s completely alone, which makes him seem quite deranged, seriously injured, or maybe even both. At last, help arrives as a man and woman rush out of the house. Instead of accepting their help, Randy becomes angry and belligerent with them. He curses and swears at them, calling them every name under the sun.

They attempt to explain to Randy that he has collided with the wall of the house and has fallen down unconscious. But he insists that he was pushed into the wall. That someone else is to blame. Randy continues to argue with them as they decide to call an ambulance.

When the ambulance arrives, he becomes even angrier. The ambulance attendants request backup, and the police are called. As the ambulance drives away with Randy secured in the back, we're uncertain about what has truly happened, and we’re unsure if Randy will return.

The following day, a man named James wakes up. He’s confused and doesn’t know where he is. He feels as though he’s been run over by a truck, and he notices a bandage on his head. As he lifts the bandage, his fingers glide over the thick metal staples implanted in his skull. He looks at his surroundings, which consist of a large room filled with bunk beds. It seems to him that he is in some kind of prison hospital.

James didn’t just suffer a head wound; his insides were in turmoil, and he had recently been diagnosed with early-stage cirrhosis of the liver. He’s with a peculiar group of men who appear just as confused as he does. No one is speaking to each other, and they all seem to be in some kind of discomfort. A quick back story about James.

He has been married for ten years and is the father of a five-year-old boy who looks just like him, along with a one-year-old baby girl whom he affectionately calls “Papa’s Princess.” He is the owner of a successful personal training studio that started as a small gym with only two employees and expanded into a thriving seven-figure business with over twenty employees.

Before opening his business, he was a sought-after personal trainer and nutritionist, helping hundreds of people get healthy and fit. His career began when he won his first bodybuilding contest. He later went on to win the titles of Mr. New York, Mr. Ontario, and his biggest win, Mr. Canada, before retiring to start his business.

His nickname was “The Fit-guru,” and he was a spokesperson for health and fitness on TV and radio. He also spoke to youth at schools about the drug-free sport. From the outside looking in, he appeared to have it all: a successful business, a young family, and a large house in the upscale part of town. However, he also seemed to be battling something more powerful than himself. Even though he did his utmost to conceal this struggle, it was evident that he was losing.

As James stared at the ceiling, he thought to himself, "Where am I, and why am I here?” His eyes scanned the room in search of the exit. At the end of the room beside two large closed doors, there was a small desk with a man sitting down reviewing files. James carefully inched off the bed and sat up slowly to prevent the blood from rushing to his head.

Once the dizziness eased, he got up and walked to the desk. He asked the person guarding the doors, "Where am I?"

The man said, “You are at a drug and alcohol detox centre. You’re here for your own safety and the safety of others. You need to go back to your bed, and we will come and get you when you’re ready.”

James responded in a low, irritated tone, “I’m leaving now... just let me out of here.”

The attendant replied, “Sorry, sir, we're not authorized to let you leave, but you’re welcome to make a phone call if you’d like.”

James walked over to the phone and called a friend. It sounded as if he was pleading, then he started shouting at his friend through the phone. His time was up, and he was told to return to his bed. His friend wouldn’t be coming to save him; he had to stay where his friend said he would be safe. But James didn’t feel safe here. He felt scared. Really scared.

The next morning, James awoke. The pieces of the last seventy-two hours were slowly coming together, and it didn’t look too promising. They included raw images of a self-debauchery. A three-day binge where he consumed enough alcohol and pills that would result in certain death for someone else.

But this wasn’t just anyone; it was Randy. Randy was what the famous psychologist Carl Jung called “The shadow self.”

The shadow self is defined as the “dark side” of our personality because it mainly consists of primitive, negative human emotions and impulses such as rage, envy, greed, selfishness, desire, and the pursuit of power. What we deny in ourselves—anything we view as inferior, evil, or unacceptable—becomes part of the shadow.

Randy can best be described as self-centred, egotistical, aggressive, obnoxious, selfish, greedy, unreliable, annoying, ignorant, and short-tempered, among other things… At this point in his life, James could be described as only these two things: shameful and fearful.

However, this is not how the story began. James had ambitious dreams when he set out to start his business. He desired what all entrepreneurs aspire to have: greater wealth, increased success, and enhanced freedom.

Although he struggled to start a business, mainly because he began with virtually nothing other than a small life savings and the proceeds from selling his motorcycle, it was all worth it as he became an instant success and the business expanded twice in just a few years.

To others, the business was described as his baby, and he nurtured it every day and night. If he hadn’t completed sixty hours of work by Thursday, he felt as though he was failing. He needed to manage every aspect of the business like an angry, resentful director aiming to star in, direct, and produce his own movie.

Due to his workaholic nature, he was seldom home and made little to no time for friends and family. He quickly realized that the only way to sustain this lifestyle was by taking short breaks so he could return to business and keep things running smoothly.

The easiest and fastest way for James to hit the pause button, clear his mind of business, and release all the built-up steam was through drugs and alcohol. They quickly alleviated the stress, allowing him to relax and enjoy life. Thus, the cycle began, and now that it had started, there appeared to be no stopping it.

James’s life was becoming unmanageable. His double life was impacting his business, as he would take several days off to recover from his prolonged binges. The relationship with his wife was often on the verge of breaking, and now he began to notice signs that his behaviour was affecting his son as well. As you may know, children mimic what they observe rather than simply following instructions.

Moreover, the extra 50 pounds he was hiding in his oversized gym clothes became increasingly difficult to conceal, further undermining his already low self-esteem. And that was just the exterior. The interior revealed the true damage, as his liver was slowly dying a painful death.

The effort needed to conceal and safeguard Randy, his alter-ego, was quite demanding. In fact, all the lying, justifying, and manipulating became increasingly difficult.

As James sat on the edge of his bed that morning in a place he had never imagined he would be. He accepted that he wouldn’t be leaving the detox centre anytime soon. He didn’t have much time to wallow in his depression, though, because it was time for the men to start their day, and for James, it would be a day that would change him forever.

After breakfast, all the men were led into another room, where a small group awaited them.

This group of men wore beaming smiles and appeared to be excited about something. This contrasted with James and the other men who entered the room with their heads down, ensuring they avoided eye contact with anyone.

The men waiting in the room started the meeting, sharing their stories one by one. Stories of men who had lost everything—their jobs, their homes, their families, and one could argue, their souls—but through some sort of miracle, they had recovered and were stronger than ever before.

James watched in amazement as one of the speakers discussed a time not long ago when he was homeless and living as a drunk on a park bench. He had lost his job, his family, his home—virtually everything. He shared how he secured his job, reunited with his family, and began a new life. It was nothing short of a miracle.

Another man told them that he had once been rushed to the hospital for nose surgery. The cocaine that he was snorting had burned a hole through his septum, and he would have bled to death if his friends hadn’t woken him up. After his surgery, he couldn’t snort cocaine anymore. So, he started smoking it and was formally introduced to crack cocaine. This was the beginning of the end for him. And his end brought him to this place, where he now was serving others by helping them overcome their addictions.

As James heard these stories, he began to feel an overwhelming sense of hope. Here were these men who had been to hell and back to share their stories of inspiration, strength, and hope. He held back tears as he thought about his son at home and all the other reasons he needed to make drastic changes in his life—why he needed to beat Randy and be done with him for good.

Then came the moment—the moment of no return. The truth had been revealed to James, and the undeniable reality was that radical change was indeed possible. No matter how far down you’ve gone, there’s always a way out and up.

Success can be measured by the comeback, not by the fall or the failure, and it’s really about how long you intend to stay down before you pick yourself up and get back at it.

And the other fact was that he wasn’t alone anymore. These men were all willing to help him get back up and fight another day.

All he needed to do was surrender to win because we all know that willpower can’t win all of our battles.

James needed to admit that he was powerless over Randy and that his life had become unmanageable. He needed a new source of power to win this battle.

He needed life-giving energy from a power greater than himself, support from others who could understand his dilemma and the strength of a new way of living. He needed the same energy he could feel in the room on that deciding day.

James yearned for his life again, and he was prepared to fight for it. He wanted to be free from self-imposed shame and to be forgiven for his mistakes.

To be healthy, happy, and vibrant. He aspired to be someone who doesn’t give up. Instead, he wants to stand up and face the challenges of life. One battle and one day at a time.

All so he can leave behind a proud legacy—one that his children can proudly share with their own children one day.

So the decision was made: he would enter a 21-day addiction treatment program. He would do the unimaginable: put his life on hold for a month while he learned, trained, healed, and grew stronger than ever before.

While at the treatment centre, his son visited him and was told that “Daddy is at school” and that Dad was becoming a star student. For an entire month, James didn’t poison his body with substances any longer.

He went to bed early and rose early. He finally understood what his mother meant when she once said, “I think you need a hobby,” so he started writing poetry again. James wanted to feel healthy from the inside out, so he exercised to become healthy and fi rather than superficially big and muscular. He began to eat a balanced and consistent diet, always mindful of both overeating and undereating.

James started paying attention to his emotions, which gave him a greater understanding of himself. He began to meditate, calming his mind so he could listen to a new inner voice that he was starting to hear. It wasn’t a voice he had ever heard before; it wasn’t his, and it definitely wasn’t Randy’s. In fact, Randy’s voice was becoming a faint whisper.

Then the day arrived—the day to go home. They gathered all the students together and read them the same book that James’ mother had read to him as a child, “The Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss. Tears filled James’s eyes as he left the safety of the centre to put into practice what he had learned.

He has big dreams and ambitious plans, and he hits the ground running.

But the problem is that, although we haven’t heard much from Randy, he will be back—stronger than ever and sooner than James could ever imagine.

When James returned from rehab, even though he had support from his family and friends, he realized that many of them would likely be skeptical about his ability to change his ways.

And why shouldn’t they? He has been this way for the past decade and has tried to change but always falls back into the same self-sabotaging patterns.

This old saying could describe James: “A leopard can never change its spots,” meaning that a person cannot change their character or way of life, no matter how hard they try. The truth was, many people watched him attempt to help himself by starting and failing with new health kicks, radical diets, natural pills and potions, and the latest motivation book; however, it all unravelled within a month at best. Then Randy would return, and all chaos would ensue.

However, the doubts of so many people only motivated him further. He was aware that change was possible, and he would make every effort to see this through.

The first battle came very soon. Some might say it's too soon. James was still fragile, learning a new way of living—a new way of thinking, believing, and behaving. Due to the poor choices he had made while navigating his dual life, the business was under severe financial strain. The company teetered on the brink of bankruptcy, and James had to make a tough decision.

He wasn’t ready for this; he told himself, "Not now, it’s too soon,"—but all things have a way of catching up with you, no matter how hard you run or how cleverly you hide. With frozen bank accounts and overdrawn credit, there was no place to run or hide.

The deciding moment had arrived: Would James stand strong or take the easier, softer way?

He wanted to be the captain who would say, "If the ship must go down, I will go down with it."

He didn’t want to let the ship sink, but he also didn’t know how to bail it out. Freedom had departed, and fear had returned.

This drained him of all the special powers he had worked so hard for. He began to lose faith and hope. This was the moment Randy had been waiting for. He had been doing push-ups in the back of James's subconscious, just waiting for the right moment to make a surprise appearance.

He was stronger than ever and threw James to the ground with such force that it looked like he might never get up again! But this time, James did get up! Randy threw him down again, and again, and again! But James dusted himself off, got back up, and faced Randy.

And now, Randy faced the same truth that James had. The possibility of change exists if you possess the power to effect it. This realization was Randy’s kryptonite. This unique power weakened him and made him shrink to the appropriate size.

James had made his choice. He would keep fighting on. He would not surrender to Randy, and he would not yield. It was time to summon his comrades - ready to aid him in slaying the dragon.

First, he reached out to the man who would become his mentor. He called upon his new “brothers in arms,” the men who had slain their own dragons. He had the trainers at his fitness studio assist him in losing weight and becoming healthy again. He reconnected with his long-time mentor, who continually guided him in the right direction. He ultimately surrendered to the process, striving for progress—not perfection—doing his best to live one minute, hour, and day at a time.

As he became mentally, emotionally, and physically fit, Randy started to feel weaker. But as we have seen, Randy is an opportunist, and one should never let their guard down. The time for Randy to confront James was approaching, as something unexpected loomed on the horizon that James could never have imagined. It would shatter his faith in what he valued most.

That thing was his united family. His marriage was failing. After months of pushing and fighting to make it work, it wasn’t going to work. You see, James believed that a family must stay together at all costs. He didn’t understand. He thought it wasn’t fair, that it wasn’t right.

But then James heard something. It was that new inner voice inside his head, and it whispered, “Surrender to win.”

But Randy was lurking, and as he crept out from the shadows, James screamed, “I CHOOSE FREEDOM, NOT FEAR!” James began to run, but Randy pursued him relentlessly. He ran as fast as he could and shouted,

“I forgive myself!”

“I forgive others!”

“I surrender!”

Then James stopped suddenly. He stood still, placed his hand on his heart, looked up at the clear blue summer sky, closed his eyes, and bravely turned to face Randy. But when he opened his eyes, Randy wasn’t there. At last, James was a free man.

He had slain the dragon simply by facing it. His special powers were restored. He regained all his strength, hope, and faith. It was finally over, but it had just begun.

He was ready to become the person he had always dreamed of being. The father his children could be proud of. The leader for those who needed him. To inspire others to aspire. To be more present, patient, and loving. To live bravely, instinctively, and transparently. To learn, share, and grow. His time had finally come.

And! While James was “slaying the dragon,” he caught the gaze of a beautiful woman. This was no damsel in distress. She was not only beautiful but also intelligent and independent. As Their romance grew, a loving partnership was created.

To proclaim his love for this woman, James wrote this poem:

There’s a hero inside of me

That I’m sure only she can see

She sees within me a man

Who can conquer new lands

Is strong and full of might

Who stands up for what is right

With her, I can shed my tears

That I’ve held back for years

I can put my ego aside

And never have to hide

She gives me space

To go at my own pace

She guides and directs

Has never been wrong yet

She walks me to the door

Tells me to fear no more

Gives me the courage to roar

And the power to soar

To spread my wings

And see all that it can bring

When I'm beaten and tired

I yearn for her with all desire

To tell me once more

What I’ve already heard before

I believe in you

And I surrender myself

To you.

James’ story encompasses all our lives because a hero exists in each and every one of us. However, the hero’s journey asks us to confront our own shadows, to confront and conquer our fears. This necessitates change, particularly in James’ case, where radical transformation was needed.

Perhaps the changes you might want to make aren’t so radical, but what James’ story teaches us is that a person’s character and way of life can change if they have the power to do so.

As the renowned biologist Charles Darwin stated, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”

In Darwinian terms, the external environment is the catalyst for change. However, the remarkable aspect of being human is that we don’t have to wait for our behinds to catch fire just because it’s hot out there; we can initiate change within ourselves, regardless of what is happening in the world outside.

So if you:

want to make more money so you can create more opportunities,
desire greater success and more depth to your works of passion,
aim to be healthy and fit,
seek more freedom for personal growth and fulfillment,
wish for a romantic, intimate, and passionate relationship with your life partner,
aspire to forge strong bonds with your family and friends,

It will require CHANGE.

And CHANGE requires COURAGE.

That’s why we call them heroes; heroes are courageous and inspire CHANGE.

If you believe there’s more to experience in life, but you haven’t quite mustered the courage to embark on that new journey, my intention is to share the wisdom I’ve gained throughout my life in the hope that it will guide you through your own adventure.

And if you’re having second thoughts about getting started on whatever matters most to you because you are resistant to change—like all of us—or because change is scary—again like it is for all of us—or if it feels like too much work with little or no payoff.

Here’s the necessary disclaimer: You might regret the opportunities you had to be courageous and experience more in life, and there may come a day when it’s too late because you’ve simply run out of time.

That’s why we need to get started today.

Right now.

Not tomorrow, but today.